Patau

this story begins with Her dying.
what's more, it's not just her, it's her 5 month old foetus who met his demise at this very young age -i am not even sure you can define it as 'age'. she is having what people call a late miscarriage, caused by the wrong number of chromosomes, which were too many. so it seems, 13 is an unlucky number after all.
she is dying at this very moment, drawing her last breath on her bathroom floor. she finds the situation rather pathetic: blood on the floor, her dead son in her arms, and she is experiencing the symptoms of slowing heartbeat, dizziness, loss of hearing and vision and numbness. she knows, she did this to herself and her self conscious is punishing her as she is bleeding out slowly, head aching, heart aching, backbone aching, her eyes are fixed on the tiles of the bathroom. there is nothing strange or unusual about them, don't take me wrong. the tiles have nothing to do with her dying or the miscarriage. or maybe a little.
 she remembers when they put them up the walls, knowing nothing about building or decorating. she helped him giving them up from the package they were sold from. she watched him as he applied those tiles on the wall, fixing them to it and finishing up all by himself. she watched him doing it, and looked like any other fool could just copy his motions and look ordinary as he was. except she had married him.
 and so this tile made her remember everything she had done before this period of her life began. before she felt so alone and lonely, before her son died.


-so are you gonna' finish your peas?
-no, you can have them i guess. i am bursting...
so he reached over with his fork and pierced each pea through, so the fork 4 blades each had a pea on them. she looked at him without actually asking the question she already knew the answer for, so instead she raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth in an O shape for a second while exchanging meaningful looks with each other. an old couple at the next table winced at his action and the fact she was leaning on the table with her head resting on her arm. this place wasn't even a reputable restaurant or even a restaurant: it was merely a pub. she sort of threw a smile their way and leaned forward to whisper something in his ear, who just finished the peas on the plate, and munched on them, mouth open, particles falling onto his lap, wiping his hands in his shirt.
-hey, i think we can go now. unless you want dessert?
he was shaking his head and closed his eyes whilst doing it, which meant 'no hecking way, don't you know me????' so she smiled and stood up from the table, looking at the old couple who were eating something very mushy with forks and knives. she could swear it was only mashed potato, but who knows.
so they left the place and started to walk home. as usual, the thoughts rushed into her head not sure which one to share with him. it didn't matter because everything they talked about made sense and wasn't trivial or boring to any of them. they agreed on most topics and never really had a fight over anything major. misunderstandings happened of course, but they always ended up apologising and basically go overboard and make a massive scene out of how idiotic they were, etc.
she finally decided to go with a nostalgic memory she had, when she was acting rather like a drama queen. like she does.. this story was brought back up from a crushed pen laying on the sidewalk, which had suffered several trauma by people walking over it.

-are you going to wait for me after work then? i am finishing at 2?
-i don't know, really, i kind of want to go home and play my new game. i also would have to wait an hour!
-you are saying this like it was at least half a day and i asked you to stay completely still while you are in front of the building!
-no, i told you.. i... OKAY, okay, i will wait. can i have your charger then?
but when she finished working and came out through the front door he wasn't there. she looked around the fifth time, maybe he was walking up to her right now from a different direction, but he was nowhere to be seen. she felt the anger filling her up from the inside and building pressure in her head, so she stormed off towards the train station. (little did she know, that he was literally getting off the bus at the other end of the street, running towards her, knowing he would be late, so he did text her the estimated time of his arrival, but of course that little thing -to check her phone- was out of the question now.) as she stomped towards the station and literally everything made her angry. for example she seen a bunch of teenagers sitting on a bench nearby and using their pens as tiny cannons, shooting pieces of wet tissue at each other, tossing the particles not needed on the ground. they looked like they are having fun and that angered her so much, she even pictured herself punching the biggest child in the gang, just because he looked more like an equal opponent to her than the rest of the kids.
 arriving at the station she already seen the train on the platform, which made her absolutely furious, not even at him anymore, but at the train of course, and the fact she now has to ran upstairs, through the corridor and down the two flights of stairs towards the platform. all this with a 2 months old foetus in her belly she already knew of, but he didn't.
she got angry at him not showing up in time because as a matter of fact she planned to present him with the big news today. so his irresponsible actions made her really mad, even though he couldn't have known that this is going to be an important afternoon for the two.
as she was looking for her ticket in her wallet, she caught glimpse of the timetable hanging on the wall opposite of her, showing the train was already 5 minutes late and now ready to depart within a minute. so as quick as possible she pushed through the gathering crowd assembled by mainly commuters, school kids and tourists, who were just staring at the timetable with the mouth open or squinting at information packets they were given to help them get along easier. of course this made her even more angry than she was! combination of the past 5 minute's events simply made her red with anger, and when she is going to think about this day in the future she is usually cringing at her actions and childishness behavior she represented.
she pushed through successfully and made it up the stairs, taking them by the two, and running down skipping three whole steps, and was lucky enough not to trip and fall/break her neck/break her ankle/ lose the child/ lose her life just now. by the time she got down the train was still there, but strangely enough it was empty and all the passengers were on the platform exchanging angry looks with each other and sometimes with the employees of the station or the train company. there was no point in asking questions: it was clear as day, that something has happened on the vehicle, because there were paramedics, police and all sorts of less important people in one of the furthest carriage.

-someone has given up, huh?-she thought, and started to walk along the platform, where she might catch a glimpse of the drama that someone else is causing, and probably having the worst day of their life, but all she came across were whining people and crying children all the way there, when she seen something: there was a poster on the side of the train of the Pieta. everyone heard that it has been damaged by an unstable person who threw black tar over it, and was screaming to everyone around him that this statue is blasphemy and all the other ones picturing jesus dead is a blasphemy too, because his death is the symbol of the acceptance of our sins and all our wrong doings in this life. only she seen the Pieta as herself. she was holding her dead son, and the cape he was lying in was her own blood.